gotta kick at the darkness...

i want to see some sort of environmental overgrowth leading to the destruction of the planet - trees spontaneously or slowly sprouting roots in the middle of roads. ivy climbing up walls of skySCRAPERS and digging into the stone to tear undermine the construction thus allowing it to topple onto itself. weeds emerging from cracks in the sidewalk. endophytic uprising! fin du monde. some sort of physical push from the ground. trust a feral god to tear it all down.

maybe the machines get slow in the winter.
maybe the joints will come to a halt.
maybe the wheels stop turning.
maybe the hinges will break
maybe the gears will falter
maybe the bolts will become loose
maybe the coloumns will crack
maybe the doors will swing open
maybe the cars will stop
maybe the lights will go out
maybe the satalites wont transmit
maybe the phone lines will go dead
maybe the fires will stop burning
maybe the smokestacks will stop fuming
maybe the stars will shine.

then it all went out. god shut us down - take a break live!
across the island, silence perfect stillness, perfect peace. quietude. only the trees birds sun and us were alive planning armageddon - ragnorok - endtimes joy. the hills were quiet of all buzzes and humms except the hymns of beings never struck with obscene plagues and vices - the devices died. i profess to the solar flare reaching out stretching wide, loosening bounds of physics to let me be reminded of all holy beings life ruled once more and death, death took harvest.
i think my latest anti technology (anti electricity, or something similar) kick started one night about a month and a half ago. On this night there was a beautiful sunset. the sun seemed to be burning the smog in the sky into a cotton candy coating of hot pink and deep reds. terribly powerful. anywho, that evening i looked up and i saw a plane flying overhead. as i watched the plane fly, i got a sudden thought. i wished for the plane to explode overhead. i was watching it, wishing it would be enveloped by a huge fireball and see debris come falling to earth glowing hot, similar to fireworks or meteors. i imagined the pieces falling and tearing through powerlines, and smashing buildings to bits as they tumbled to earth. i didn't want anyone to be hurt through all of this, i just wished for some of the technology and some of our terrible institutions to be shattered in the process, if only through extensions of their reach. i wanted everyone to put the tech aside, to put off their dependencies on the institutions, to cast away all these fixtures if for only a while and take moment to reflect on everything and decide if we really need all that we have. if we really depend on all the shit to truly be happy.
but then again.. maybe it all started before that night. maybe it started when i read the anti technology chapter in crimethinc's book "days of war, nights of love", or perhaps even before that. i am not quite sure, but i do know that lately, i have certainly taken a few giant leaps towards these ideas, be it from the more camping i have been doing, the working on the kimbercote farm, or the blackouts.
recently, i read Theodore Kaczynski's short story entitled "ship of fools" as a bedtime story for some friends. as i read i felt very excited with the message that was being put across. through metaphors, Kaczynski says that the human race is heading towards its own demise and that we should all stop wailing for the small issues and focus on the root of the problems - the unrelenting speedway towards technological advance at the expense of our lives, and the lives of all beings on earth and beyond. i have also been reading the "tao te ching" by lao-tzu and it also shares some very natural philosophy relating all functions to the natural path of the universe, and sometimes all of society as i know it today seems contradictory to this. so much so, that i wish for it all to just go away...
...and one day, it did. thursday august 14, at about 4:15 in the afternoon, the power went out. at first it was a small concern as i was helping organize a music festival that needed electricity, but beyond that it was simple. then we found out that the power was out in toronto, then in new york, and chicago, and detroit. first thoughts that mounted in the minds of all present? has it begun? and what exactly was it anyways? terrorists? anarchists? politicians trying to scare us? mother nature kicking back? i kept thinking it as a backwards reality to the lovers-in-a-dangerous-time metaphor "gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight". everyone seemed a little upset at my giddiness regarding the loss of power to half of the continent, but when we discovered that we were pretty much self sustainable for at least two weeks, we all became slightly intoxicated in the unknown. we cooked a stir-fry over a fire and bet on when the power would come back. i said i hoped for a week, but i believed it would be back by nine at night. i was two hours late. by the time we went back to the house to serve out the stirfry, the power was back on. my ascent into the norm began again and i was very disheartened for the rest of the night.

the world knows it's broken, but it pushes anyways.
the world knows it's dying, but it tries anyways.
the world's going down but it looks the other way.
yeah, we're all going down. we're all going down.
sometimes i want to turn around and walk away.
sometimes i want to burn it down, make it go away.
sometimes i need to take a breath and turn out the lights,
and sometimes i pray that they won't come on at night.
i wish, for a while we'd go back to the way it was.
i wish we could just live like we did.

point being, that almost everyone i spoke with had great joyous stories to share about the blackout. free concerts in the streets, families sitting in parks staring at the stars, spontaneous community barbeques to cook up all the meat before it went rancid. people coming together, leaving their televisions, computers, jobs, and their dependencies behind and began living again. children, who have lived all their lives in major cities saw the stars for the first time thursday night. that makes me think more of cave dwellers than any anti technologist theory ever has. can all this technology even be considered worth while when it eliminates the ability or need or drive to be social human beings in our universe?
then, as quickly as it all began, the lights came back. the smoke stacks stacked more pain in the sky and the battle resumed. no more ceasefire. no more peace hell again roared and reared large cavernous mouth and swallowed us all in solitude noise and illness - disease transformed, mutated and smashed with vengeance. CRACK! and nothing was well.

a tree grows up
to touch heaven
and be closer
to the sun of god
bud and flower
coronal mass ejection

as something is made, something is lost one for another such is living. not sacrifice, but continuity. beautiful continuity beginning, end and everything. dream and awake. light preceeds dark which compliments light which is absent of dark (or the perfect balance of light and dark in the night while writing by lamp in study with black pen on a white page, with moon & stars shining luminously through space to kiss you). i want to kiss you. i want to hold you close and tell secrets of the day, learned and altered and shared with intent and love. i want to love you. you near me together creating nothing but anti matter between us (when with you, its all anti matter).
will you love me when it all falls apart? when it shatters; will you still hold the keys to my heart? who loves lost smiles at death and walks forward among the human race - it defies logic evolution and single cell knowledge - no purpose. but i propose this: a massive monument - built on stone (we all know stone is best. no additives and 100% bio-degradable), and pressed in ages of sand, struck by lightning - unbreakable - worked by waves - blue stroke thunder on a bloody plane. smooth. smelt like paint. dancing in the darkness to a long lost song - you know what its like: found sound discovered noise. sing, gracious novel friend! lean into me. believe me. sift swiftly, drop all tools for fools and use your hands.
soft viola, caress to rock me. build and wreck - engineer tall towers o soul. play. lullaby for toddlers matched by stories for saints (like this one) stolen bent typewriters sing in sand. this is what heaven looked like. it we all just fell asleep for a few years rip van syndrome - dreamtalk.

everywhere i look i see regret, despair & pain i don't exclude myself, i'm just trying a different dance. no caller for me. no lesson, no shoes, no music except my own soul singing in the night while nightmares of tomorrow run through your brain. i am the grass hopper who learned to migrate. i am the ugly duckling who got a tattoo! i'm fucking Peter Pan! i am robin hood in search of sherwood forest - fuck that - EVERYWHERE IS SHERWOOD FOREST !!! you just refuse to see the trees. i eat where i want, i sleep where i want, i shit where i want and i make love to god every second of it!

just lay there
naked in the womb of earth
between her thighs
looking outward

i remember the steepness of the gorge and the way we fell walking like it was the crack of earth, away from the world into a whole new open spiritual realm of unity with all life.
i remember the river as it flowed by my bowl as it flowed by my concepts as it washed away old ideas.
i remember the people that shared its womb with me, the people that challenged me hated me and watched over me. i remember the insight to my life and the world outside my eyes.
i remember the heat . it filled my soul, in holy bowl of life, washing my ghost clean.
i remember the walk up the hill, tired and worn refreshed and relaxed after many days winding through this absurd landed land.
i remember as if it were burned on my eyes then dreamed over.
i remember my self before i went down, before i moved, before i learned to walk, to learn not to talk i was more absent then. i feel much fuller now. i feel much more confined. i should forget.

white bar of light flicks on when earth disappears
- blink -
step heavy and twice to test mother.
submerge yourself in the life - but don't fall asleep.

life can be free if we want it to be. just try. some suckers sucked and died, but not i! not yet. i don't die. not until i don't live. then i perish, but if my mind body soul force move me or you or the world or this and other specific realities than i live!
and stop looking at death like its the end. you seem so certain of that, don't be certain, and don't die already. i feel like your afraid of life. i feel like your too spooked to live

IF.I.WASNT.SO.AFRAID...I.COULD.DO.ANYTHING

this is the time when everything works
the once in awhile, when everyones busy with other things
walking by in their own lives, in thier own times.. doing the things they want to do
this is when i do my thing, when i do what i want to do

well, so am i but i'm doing it. no no no not your deadly zombie life, but my life. full of uncertainty and DANGER! lemme repeat that DANGER!!! i like to face my dangers these days. if you so loved your life would you rock out regularly? would you beat the demons? throw molotov cocktails at your car and smash your ________ skip it. my reaction time is delayed by all the mutated toxicities i willingly ingest over and over and over and over. television, sugar and criticisms, and a whole host of other dysfunctions. many may cite my lassitudic apathetic loafing as laziness, but no, it is a vocal statement of the considerable ennui felt by the majority of the populace. i have just figured out the means to express these feelings while maintaining some viable standard of living.

rage - i'm like a molotov
two parts passion
one part love.

imagine, a bright burning sunset, red and orange and purple permeating the sky and drenching it in a thick hue. imagine, two lovers lost in each others eyes barely holding back all that was once lost, but now found again. imagine, touching god, and the goddess and knowing it is all coming together again. knowing, that everything could be falling around you, the planes in the sky exploding over head just to pour its wreckage down on you but you dont care about anything except the person in your arms, laying on the hill with you, lost in their eyes. cant stop smiling. cant stop looking. cant stop feeling their energy coming into you, while trying to push all you have into them. imagine it all bleeding together in one moment of chaos. imagine it all bleeding together in one moment of peace. feel it. feel the excitement. feel the longing. feel the universe expanding around you. feel scared that things may fall apart. feel the want for things to fall apart, because you're safe with each other in perfect freedom for at least right now. she'll protect you. he'll protect you. and they will kill you too, and you know they are the only one that can. but put it all in them. push push push. just love them. just let go and hold on. go. just go.
imagine. immanant confusion knowing it doesn't make sense but letting it go and so the flow shows new light & sound. these paragraphs are short so we wont get caught up in definitions and denouncings and all the other uselessness division is useless - these words are useless we can be but i hope we aren't useless - but hope is useless.
i dont know the way, but i can be part of the river. why then is all this needed? it isnt. get over it with me. you travel? but you already know everything - get over it with me. if help is not wanted or needed, then dont - get over it with me. glass you can look through, or it can be behind you - get over it with me.
i see you walk down the street, looking beyond me. sit and talk with me. share and take from me. let's become pieces of each other. ignore any fear. i dont mind. moments of power come and go. (anyone wants rule) rule functions opposite to natural tendencies - creates unnatural chaos - manipulate order - don't function. spontaneity functions spontaneously - can't mimic god - the unmimicable. bent over, you can't protect your ass. order bends us over. don't be flexible. don't bend - acceptance is a sign of unnatural defeat chaos is orders best friends lover. the two are life. i can't run it down. love is to much, and if it weren't, then hate would be my idol i would bow before. letting inspire me to create and destroy. this parking lot earth - seems so stagnant in your hands break glass in your hands. break free. if pain is a measure on which we can judge life (and it is), then let us carve ourselves to bits! every scrape, scar, broken bone is a ring on our trunk. every fall, slip, or scare is a knot in our noose (o hang me high!). death is the nexus of life death in adventure solidifies our place in heaven - EARTH !!! live life like you'll live forever, but tomorrow you'll surely die !!!

oh i see so much pity. so much despair in my eyes are sore with smoke from chimneys and desolate sand. wake up and smell the homeless. the birds don't sing to me anymore - we are all connected in the weird and wonderful way. we see all in the frame of a second.don't just go with it. it another dream we all have then we call them dreams.
they aren't dreams they are hopes. survival tips. plans for future plans.
i see me in the wind crying because my head hurts. my music will not play loud enough for the whole world to love me. im scared they will laugh and pass . the womyn give no love to the hated, and the men will not cum to me out of fear.
fear is in the world alone not in you., fuck POINTS AND DESTINATIONS. fuck all the drool over homes and apartments of comfort and silly couches. LIVE im in the now but dreaming of ways to fly. i want to fly i want to fly
im crying now because i feel trapped in my shell and i want to fly so bad . i want to know everyone i want everyone to know me. im crying over the hate the world the garbage the lack of time the restless speech the absence of movement the empty noise to make me feel like i know what moving forward is when we sit and stare at the glass and reflect. i want to change, to evolve. why cant we just go have you ever been so sad inside that you needed your self to calm you down but you couldnt so you hurt instead. im still crying. im not supposed to cry . THIS IS WHY THEY FUCK LIFE. they dont want to cry anymore in the naked
they are dark.. i cant be free as long as you arent. my goals are too far gotta pull the ropes in for me to be at one.
man this shit is ....... air.

parting clouds
stars shinging through
light of moon
and i'll look down from sky,
to the expanse in front
and curse those who stole this from me
and bless them who helped me take it back

watch it end with me

 

.sometimes im alone in the dark.